Ninja Nonsense: The Legend Of Shinobu: The Movie: The FanFiction
by StuffedCrustLord
Summary: What if Ninja Nonsense had made a full feature-length film? Taking place ten years after the final episode, Onsokumaru is fed up with living alone and wants his old Ninja clan back. But everyone except him and Sasuke have already left the manor and haven't returned since. Now the two of them must leave the manor and go on a quest to bring everyone back and save Ninja Nonsense.


**The Ninja...**

**A Dark, Mysterious Creature Who Lives In The Darkest Of Shadows Where No Other Would Ever Dare To Enter Without A Reason To Die...**

**When A Ninja Is Given A Mission, They Accept It Without Hesitation, Complete Their Mission Flawlessly, And Once They're Finished, They Make The World Wonder If They Ever Even Existed...**

**These Ninjas I Speak Of Are Braver, Smarter, And Deadlier Than Even The Most...**

"Uh, Onsokumaru. What are you doing?"

"HEY! Sasuke, you bastard! I was doing a monologue!"

A light switch is heard, revealing an abandoned room with cobwebs growing in each corner and dust spread out across the walls, turning everything grey. The room had open scrolls scattered around on the floor and all the paper doors filled with large holes. In the center of the room stood a stack of blue pillows with a bearded Onsokumaru sitting on top. Sasuke stood next to a light switch holding a wrinkled and torn up swimsuit magazine.

"Give it a rest, Onsokumaru. The show ended almost ten years ago, and no one has shown up here since. It's time to throw in the old towel and move out."

"WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING!? That we leave the manor, is that it!? HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT!? What kind of a ninja are you!?" Onsokumaru opened his jaw like a demon to shout at his old student.

Sasuke shook his head. "Just face it, headmaster. Everyone but us have already left. It's about time we accepted the truth and faced facts. The ninja manor is dead and we have to leave at some point."

Onsokumaru grabbed hold of Sasuke's shirt and began shaking it wildly. "HAVE YOU LOST IT, MAN! YOU WANT TO JUST ABANDON OUR HOME LIKE THE REST OF THOSE PUSSIES! COME ON, I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THAT! IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, THEN WHY HAVE YOU STUCK WITH ME THESE PAST TEN YEARS!"

"Well...because you're don't take bad news...or well, any news that doesn't involve naked ladies very well! I was afraid you would get mad if I suggested it!" Sasuke started to shiver in fear at the sight of his master's furious face.

"OF COURSE I'M MAD, YOU BASTARD!" Onsokumaru screamed as he smashed Sasuke's head through the wall.

All of the light in the room disappeared as a single spotlight shined down on a human-form Onsokumaru as he stared up into the light with his fist on his left chest. "We ninjas aren't just some crappy children's club that just slowly disappears over time. We are part of an ancient tradition of mighty warriors that go all the way back to the dark ages. It is up to us to make sure that such an important tradition is kept sacred for the remainder of time."

The light suddenly vanishes as Sasuke starts unscrewing a massive spotlight on the ceiling. "Can we please get rid of this thing!? It's wasting our electric bill." he said as he began to take it apart.

Onsokumaru flies in front of Sasuke and spreads his arms out in front of him. "Stop! I need this light to show off my sexy body when it gets dark!"

"Show it off to who!? You and I are the only ones here!"

"Well, what if a women walks in here during the night looking for somewhere to stay, huh!? HUH!?"

**An unrelated and unrealistic scene appears in Onsokumaru's head;**

In the middle of a dark snowstorm, a lonely women without a jacket or gloves knocks on the ninja manor's door. Onsokumaru answers the call in his human body while smoking a cigar.

"Well, hello there. What's a lonely and hopefully easy women like you doing out so late...and in the cold without a jacket." he asks.

She smiles up at him. "I'm sorry," she says in a heavenly voice. "but I got lost, and now I need somewhere to stay for the night."

Onsokumaru steps aside and gestures his hand. "Come on in."

The night goes on, and Onsokumaru and the strange women begin making love on the floor without a blanket. "Oh, YES!" she screams. "YES, ONSOKUMARU! YES! KEEP GOING! OH, I'M SO GLAD I FOUND SUCH A BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING LOVER LIKE YOU! LET'S SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER!"

"No." he replied. "Let's just fuck for the night and never see each other again, okay?"

"YES! OF COURSE! THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA!"

**Onsokumaru comes out of his daydream;**

"Yeah...that's my most realistic fantasy yet. I'm totally writing a book about it. And I'll say it's based off a true story. Everyone else already does it." he looks up to see Sasuke by the microwave making popcorn.

"POP! POP! Hehe...I love that noise." he giggles as he stares through the window at his rotating bag.

"HEY! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!?"

"Oh, sorry Onsokumaru. It's just...well, you drifted off into one of your imaginary scenarios again, then you started mumbling, then...you...started humping the table, so I decided to wait it off by making some popcorn. You want some?"

"NO, I DON'T WANT YOUR DUMB POPCORN!"

The microwave made three loud 'beeps' and Sasuke opened the door and took the hot bag out. "Oh well. More for me." he said as he opened it and threw a few kettles towards his mouth, but just end up bouncing off his face-mask.

"I miss food." Sasuke cried as streams of tears poured out of his eyes.

"Why don't you just take your mask off?"

"I'm...sort of ugly."

"Oh, come on! What's the point of always hiding your face!? You said it yourself! No one's around to see us!"

"Oh yeah! Well, why do you still wear that fake beard, then? Shinobu's gone, remember!? You can take that off now!" Sasuke walked up to Onsokumaru and quickly ripped the beard off Onsokumaru's face. A few seconds of silence filled the room before Onsokumaru let out a painful scream.

"YOU BASTARD! THAT WASN'T MY FAKE BEARD, THAT WAS REAL!" Onsokumaru screamed as he began strangling Sasuke.

"F-Forgive me, headmaster!" Sasuke tried to speak, but couldn't over his master choking him. It was at that moment that Onsokumaru finally snapped. He let Sasuke go and began grabbing everything he could see and throwing them around the room.

"THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! WE HAVE TO GET THE SHOW BACK SOMEHOW!" he yelled as he was about to destroy the TV, but Sasuke immediately stopped him, knowing that it was the only thing around that could keep them entertained.

"But Onsokumaru, nobody even watched our show! Why do you think it only had eleven episodes!? We just weren't popular enough to get a second season!" Sasuke yelled as he tried to pull the TV out of Onsokumaru's hands.

"DAMMIT!" he yelled, letting go of the television and causing Sasuke to fall backwards, destroying the TV. "There's got to be a way to get our show back! I refuse to live another day in this dusty old place alone!"

It was now midnight in the old, abandoned Ninja academy. While Sasuke was busy planning the funeral for their beloved TV, Onsokumaru was busy trying to think of a way to bring the show back. He spent the whole night thinking it over until he finally figured to out.

"I'VE GOT IT!" he announced, jumping up from his pillow thrown in excitement. "WE'LL MAKE A MOVIE!"

"A...movie?" Sasuke asked as he tried to hold back the tears for his fallen television.

"That's right!" Onsokumaru replied with an evil grin. "Whenever a movie for something old comes out, it always brings it back ten times more popular! Even if the movie's bad, people will hate on it so much about how it destroyed the old show, they'll have no choice but to watch the entire old series constantly to help forget the movie's horrible creation! It's the perfect plan!"

"But...but Onsokumaru..."

"YES! I CAN SEE IT NOW! **Ninja Nonsense: The Legend Of Shinobu: The Movie!**"

"Actually...that's just about impossible. Not only was the old show not popular enough to make the amount of money needed to make a movie, but even if we were able to make one, we would need the original creator's permission to do it. Otherwise, it would be no more cannon than fanfiction."

"Oh...right." Onsokumaru disappointedly said. Sasuke put his arm around his old master's shoulder in an attempt to confert him.

"I'm sorry, Onsokumaru. It was a nice idea, tho..." Onsokumaru then punched Sasuke in the jaw as he jumped up in excitement once again, sending Sasuke flying through the wall and out of the manor.

"THEN SO BE IT! IF IT WON'T BE ANY MORE CANNON THAN FANFICTION, THEN THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO! Now I can REALLY see it...!"

"**Ninja Nonsence: The Legend Of Shinobu: The Movie: The Fanfiction"**

_**(BEGIN NINJA NONSENCE OPENING SONG: SHINOBU SANJO!)**_

_"WATASHI KUNOICHI_**...**

_NININ GA SHINOBU DESU_**...**

_MINARAI DAKEDO..._

_NINJA NO MICHI WO MASSHIGURA..._

_MANA BOU NINPOU..._

_KYOUKOSO DAIHENSHIN..._

_JUMON TO NAETE..._

_DAITAN PO-ZU KIMETEMIMASU... _

_IKUYO MEWO TOJITE..._

_SHINKOKYUU SHITE..._

_NIN POU BUNSHIN NO JUTSU..._

_ICH NI SANSHI ARYA RYA RYA HENNE..._

_BUCCHAKE BUCCHAKE SHIPPAI IPPAI..._

_MITE TE KONDO WA SHURIKEN..._

_ICH NI SANSHI NANTOKA HARE..._

_EIYA EIYA ICHIKABACHIKA DE..._

_MITETE PAWA-WA ZENKAI..._

_ASUWO MOTO TSUYOKU NARIMASU..._

_SHINOBU NINJA DESUUUUUUUU!"_

_**(END SONG)**_

The next morning, Onsokumaru and Sasuke packed their stuff and prepared to set off to find the rest of the ninja clan. Onsokumaru held a small backpack filled with his porno mags, as Sasuke carried everything else in one massive hiking bag.

"Alright, Sasuke! Now that the opening song is over, let's go find everyone so we can start making this movie! WHOO!" Onsokumaru cheered with his hands waving in the air. Sasuke looked up at him with his legs shaking and sweat pouring down his neck.

"If I may, headmaster, I think this is both stupid and a waste of time. Also...could I...carry...a...bit...less stuff...?" he cried as he felt his body about to give out from all the weight.

Onsokumaru shoved his body into his face as he screamed at him. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'A WASTE OF TIME!' DON'T YOU WANT THE OLD SHOW BACK! THIS IS OUR CHANCE!"

"But...I don't think a movie is the best idea! I mean, the show didn't make any sense, so how could a movie based off of it make sense?!"

Onsokumaru let out a deep sign. "Alright, if that is what you wish. I'm not telling you to come with me, Sasuke. I'm not even asking you to go." he said in a calm voice.

"R-Really?"

"Nope, I'm FORCING YOU!" he yelled as he grabbed Sasuke's leg and hurled him down the stairs of the ninja manor.

'Everyone...I promise, I will get our show back!' Onsokumaru boldly thought. 'For the Manor! For Ninja Nonsense! For...Shinobu!'

He felt sort of odd after thinking that last one. 'That's weird. Why did I suddenly think that? Her beautiful boobs must be getting to me.'

"HEY, HEADMASTER! THIS HIKING BAG LANDED ON ME WHEN I FELL AND NOW IT'S CRUSHING MY BONES!" Sasuke screamed from the bottom of the stairs, snapping Onsokumaru out of his thoughts.

"IS OUR STUFF OKAY!?" he yelled back.

"WHAT?! UH, Y-YEAH, I THINK SO!"

"ALRIGHT, GOOD!"

"GOOD!? WHAT ABOUT ME!?"

"JUST WALK IT OFF, YOU'LL BE FINE!" Onsokumaru yelled before flying down the stairs to pick Sasuke up and begin there journey and reclaim their show.


End file.
